Showing posts with label Eric. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eric. Show all posts

Read Breaking Faith, Free: Chapter 41

on Friday, October 26, 2012
Hendrick van Balen - The Judgement of Paris - ...
Hendrick van Balen - The Judgement of Paris - WGA01228 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The reviews of Breaking Faith, under the 'My Books' tab, might convince you to read the book, if you’re not already doing so.

Still along for the journey? Enjoy the ride.

I posted Chapter 1 on 13 January. Subsequent chapters have appeared each Friday, and will continue to be posted until all 50 have featured here. You can find those already posted via the archive; just search by chapter number. If you missed the start, you’ll find it here: http://stuartaken.blogspot.com/2012/01/read-free-my-novel-here.html

Read, enjoy, invite your friends along. I’m an author; I want people to read my writing, simple as that.

Chapter 41

Monday 6th September

I drove Eric in relative silence to the solicitor’s office in Garsington. He was drawn and haggard, his hair unkempt, his clothes untidy and dirty.
‘You’re not looking after yourself, Eric.’
‘No point.’
I understood his despair. He had lost his love to death; I had barely discovered mine only to have him snatched from me by experience.
Mum met us in the car park and the three of us walked the narrow, steep hill to the grey stone building where Dad’s Last Will and Testament would be read.
Mr Strunglove, which he pronounced “strun glove,” crouched behind his huge, document-strewn desk like a toad, blinking over the top of rimless bifocals. The wall behind him bore a cockeyed, framed print of Hendrick Van Balen’s “The Judgement of Paris.” It seemed an odd accessory for a solicitor’s office; its fleshy sensual heroes and pagan gods at odds with the dry dusty greyness of the room. I recognized it as twin to one in the library at Longhouse.
‘Good morning, Miss Heacham, Mrs Ashington, Mr Pandleston, please be seated.’
I sat in the central one of three identical hard wooden chairs ranged in an arc before his desk. Mum sat to my right, Eric to my left. Mum’s unstockinged thighs, exposed by her miniskirt, drew Mr Strunglove’s eyes throughout the interview. Clearly, his picture of half naked women would have served him better opposite his desk.
‘Sad times, sad times. Can I get my secretary to provide any refreshment?’
‘Just get on with it, Strunglove and let us get out of here.’
His glance at Eric, almost the only one he made, was brief and poisonous. I wondered what caused their mutual dislike.
‘Miss Heacham, Mrs Ashington?’
I shook my head and Mum smiled as she improved her position and declined the offer.
‘Very well. The matter before us, then. Mr David Lengdon was my client for much of his adult life and I pride myself that I grew to know the man as well as the client. He called me to the cottage, which he shared with Mr Pandleston, on the fifth day of August, the day preceding the occasion of your twenty first birthday, I understand, Miss Heacham?’
I nodded and he tore his eyes from Mum’s legs to see my acknowledgement.
‘Precisely. He told me then that he was to attend the celebration and I must confess I advised him against the visit due to his deteriorating health. No matter, Mr Lengdon was a man of strong opinions and he was wont to do as he would. The matter he wished to discuss with me was the drawing up of a new Will to replace that we had arranged when he first became a partner to Mr Pandleston.’ This time he made no effort to release his stare from Mum’s crossed legs.
I noted Eric’s look of distaste. ‘Get to the nub, man.’
For the briefest of moments, I feared Strunglove might accuse Eric of being impatient to learn of his bequest, but he thought better of it and continued his account as though it hadn’t been interrupted.
‘The new Will is the one I shall now present to you. It names the three of you as sole beneficiaries and was witnessed by someone I believe you all know well.’ He paused for effect. ‘Mr Leighton Longshaw.’ Again a pause, during which I wondered whether Mum was as surprised as I was. Eric, of course, already knew. ‘All necessary legal functions to permit the release of funds have been completed and, in accordance with Mr Lengdon’s express wishes, those of you who are to receive monetary bequests will leave this office with cash in hand, so to speak.
‘Mr Lengdon was very insistent that there should be as little inconvenience for his loved ones as possible and I have therefore been at great pains to obviate the need for any of you to have dealings with the financial and administrative houses concerned and to secure all necessary deeds and covenants in readiness for this day. It will not surprise you to learn that he also stipulated that his wishes be expedited within a previously agreed timeframe and I am proud to declare that I have arranged matters in such a way as to fulfil my functions with one day to spare.’
‘In other words you did the job you were handsomely paid to do. None of us is impressed, Strunglove, not even Mrs Ashington. Get on with it.’
Again, Mr Strunglove failed to look at Eric but he did flinch and remove his glasses to clean them on a cloth, which he took from the case on his desk. ‘That is the conclusion of my preamble. Mr Lengdon required that I merely read his Last Will and Testament to you, and I request that you hear it without interruption, if you please. Apart from my own advice, given for legal and technical reasons, the words are his own.’
He picked up the sheaf of papers and held it in front of him, I suspect to hide Mum’s legs from his eyes so he might concentrate on the document. He coughed, to clear his throat.
‘I, David Charles Longfellow Lengdon, being of sound mind and frail but competent body, do hereby declare my wishes for the disposal of my worldly goods upon the event of my death.
‘First, I wish my body to be burnt rather than buried. This is at odds with the wishes of my long time friend, Eric, but he understands my reasons. My ashes may go on the compost heap for all it matters to me, but should any of you wish, please spread them on the fields around your chosen spot for remembrance. I leave that entirely to you.
‘As to the wealth I have accrued during my lifetime, I wish it to be disposed of as follows to the three people named in full at the foot of this document.
‘Eric, you gain possession of the half of the cottage that is in my name. Dispose of it as you wish when you grow tired of life and decide to join me in death, where I believe we will merge as spirits more closely than we did as men when living. Keep whatever items of furniture remain in the cottage; it is your home and I have no wish to reduce your comfort. Please, have some personal effect, should you desire it, as a memento of me.
‘Matilda, you should have been my wife. As the mother of my child and the only woman I ever had as a lover, you brought joy and colour into my life and into my dying weeks and I thank you for that renewal of our early days of passion and wonder. Take whatever personal effects you wish for your memory of me. One half of the accrued settlements from my various insurance policies are to go to you, Matilda, as is the entire income from my pensions both occupational and private. This should provide you with adequate support and leave you free to lead your life as you wish. I loved you from our first meeting. I loved you all my life. I loved you, Matilda, at my death. Live free and well and remember me.’
Mum cried silent tears, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
‘Into my life, almost at the end, came the most wonderful person I have ever known. Faith, you have been a source of enormous pride and joy to me. Your innocence and naivety, although the product of another man’s idiocy, have found a natural home in the goodness of your unselfish spirit. You are a strong, kind, loving, pure and wonderful woman and I have grown to love you more dearly than life itself. That you found me in spite of barriers I placed against discovery is testament to your determination and intelligence.
‘You were brought up by an amoral creature without shame who gave you rules to live by for his own dark purposes. The puritan ethic he claimed to espouse, for public consumption, is strong on blame, sin, punishment and guilt. It holds no place for love, mercy, forgiveness and joy. Inevitably, you have been indoctrinated into his view of the world. But I ask you, Faith, to be aware always that he brought you up within that strict code in order that he might control and abuse you. There was no spiritual subtext, no measure of worship, no ethical concern. He wanted you to live in fear, to obey without question, to do his bidding and appear to the outside world as a fool not worthy of attention. That you developed as you did in spite of his cruelty, his propaganda, his bullying and his perverse desires, shows what a truly remarkable person you are. Some day you will make a marvellous partner for your chosen man. I hope and pray you choose well and are not defeated by the foibles of fate.
‘I cannot be at hand now to guide you and would only advise you to take your time in choosing a mate. It is clear to me that one man in particular has caught your eye and, perhaps, even your heart. But I hope you sample more than one man, taking care to avoid disease and unwanted pregnancy. It is impossible to know the delights available by tasting one source only. I was fortunate in Matilda. Such good luck is rare and you, Faith, deserve the best possible opportunity of happiness. Do not squander your chances on the first man to turn your head. You do not, of course, have to savour every fruit in order to make an educated selection. A few well-chosen representatives should do. I will lecture you no more on that subject.
‘To you, Faith, goes the residue of my estate, being the remaining half of the insurance provisions, all stocks and shares and all material possessions that remain at my death. This should amount to a sum that will render you independent of other means of support. You should not need to work to earn a living, if you invest wisely, and you should be able to live comfortably for the rest of your life, inflation and politics permitting. I must pass on a further warning, however. Be wary of suitors. Once it is known that such a lovely and accomplished young woman is also relatively wealthy, you will become the target of treasure hunters who will try to beguile you with promises and charm you with intentions that may not be as honourable as they pretend. Beware those with neither proven talent nor independent means of support, Faith; they may persuade you that they love you but take care it is not your wealth that is their real objective.
‘You will note that no conditions or restrictions are attached to these bequests, in spite of Mr Strunglove’s attempts to persuade me otherwise. I lived my life as I saw fit and rarely took advice. That I made appalling mistakes is evident from the recently revealed history of events. Much as I would wish to prevent others making the same or similar mistakes, attaching conditions to these bequests would not prevent errors of judgement or alter actions or behaviour. In any case, such interference with free will is abhorrent to me and I feel I am the last person qualified to impose restrictions on others.
‘Finally, I ask that your grief be short and that you recall me, if at all, in the moments of happiness we shared.
‘Matilda, I bid you dwell not on the past few desperate weeks but on that final day of our young love when, reckless and abandoned, we feasted on each other’s unclad forms on that deserted frozen hill and felt only the heat of our love. Remember how we loved that day and, as far as can be ascertained, made with our love the daughter I now hold so dear.
‘Eric, look on our days under the summer sun, stripped to the waist and sweating side by side to build a wall to split the hillside into two distinct pastures and thus prevent a war between neighbouring farmers.
‘And, Faith, recall not the day I died but the day we found each other and I knew you to be the fruit of my love with Matilda. On that day, you brought more joy into the life of one dying man than any other single event before or since.
‘Know, then, that I love you all and wish you joy and pleasure in your futures. Live fully and believe you are the best a man could know. Farewell, until our spirits merge into the force that lives beyond the grave.’
Tears trickled down the cheeks of Eric and Mum. Even Strunglove seemed moved enough to wipe moisture from behind his spectacles. But, although I felt full of strong emotions, I could not release my feelings there and then in tears.
The solicitor gave us a short time to absorb Dad’s words and recover from them. ‘Mr Pandleston, your Deeds. I need only one signature, here, to conclude your part of the business.’
Eric scanned the title deed and signed his name.
‘I will post the document on once I have informed the Land Registry. Is that in order?’
Eric nodded curtly.
‘Mrs Ashington, I have here a cheque to cover the insurance bequest together with a receipt requiring your signature, and covenants you must sign to accept the benefits of the pensions, which will, of course, be paid directly to you in monthly amounts.’
Mum read the cheque and I heard her gasp. She examined it again and frowned, looking at Strunglove for confirmation.
‘It is correct, I assure you. Mr Lengdon may have made mistakes in his personal life as he himself admitted, but he was shrewd and well informed regarding investment. The sum represents the total of the insurances as detailed here, divided by two as required by the Will.’
Mum signed the documents and remained in a daze that combined her grief and shock with surprise at her material good fortune.
‘Miss Heacham, your father made no suggestion to you in his Will, but I think you should know that he conjectured that you might at some stage consider changing your surname to match your parentage. I will say no more on that, other than to offer you my services, free of charge, should you wish to make such a change.’
It was a thought I’d played with and, since I had no wish to bear Heacham’s name for the rest of my life, I looked at Mum for her opinion. She nodded.
‘Please do whatever’s needed to change my name to that of my father, Mr Strunglove. I’d appreciate that.’
He again tore his gaze away from Mum’s legs to look at me and nodded. ‘From you, Miss Heacham, soon to be Lengdon, I need four signatures, one of which is a receipt for this cheque. Should you require advice on investment, I am happy to act for you in that capacity.’
I looked at the figure and registered six figures preceding the pence but the actual amount didn’t sink in. ‘Did you advise my father on such matters, Mr Strunglove?’
‘I did not, Miss Heacham. Your father was a man who rarely took advice on any matter. However, he seemed to have a knack for selecting the most beneficial areas regarding investment. Perhaps you have inherited it.’
I signed the documents and picked up the cheque. Our business, it seemed, was concluded. I wanted to be out of that office. I stood at once and held out my hand to the solicitor. He rose and shook my hand, then, perfunctorily, Eric’s. Mum’s hand he seemed reluctant to release and she was apparently content at his extended contact.
We left together. Once beyond the office door but in a voice loud enough for Strunglove to hear, Eric touched Mum’s shoulder. ‘I reckon David’s advice about fortune hunters mightn’t apply just to Faith, Matilda, eh?’
Mum stopped in her tracks and looked at Eric speculatively for a second before she turned slightly to face the door of the office we had just left. ‘And I thought he was only interested in my body! Thanks for your timely observation, Eric; I’ll bear it in mind.’
We all wanted a spell of relaxation after what had been a strangely demanding ordeal but my first port of call was the local branch of my bank. That cheque was heavy in my bag and I wanted it secure.
It was only as Mum and I completed our paying-in slips that I realized how much I’d inherited. As Dad had said, I need never work again. Strangely, that thought increased the pressure and tension that had been building in me for the weeks following his death.
I’d thought independence would bring freedom and relief but it seemed to amplify my sense of responsibility to those around me. Because I was now in a position where I really could do as I wished, I felt obliged to look more closely at the effects my actions might have on others. How, I wondered, would Leigh react to the news of my sudden wealth?

###

If you're impatient for the next chapter, you can buy the book in paperback or ebook format for whatever ereader you use, just click on the cover picture or visit ‘My Books’. If you do, I’d appreciate a review, posted wherever possible - Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, or any other bookish site. Reviews get indie published books noticed, you see.

Tweet with me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@stuartaken
Like my author page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/StuartAken
USA readers, see my author page on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/stuartaken
(for some odd reason, this type of link isn't yet available on Amazon for UK)
Join my professional connections on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/stuart-aken/22/1b6/aaa
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Read Breaking Faith, Free: Chapter 38

on Friday, October 5, 2012

Will Breaking Faith suit you?  Try the reviews under the 'My Books' tab, they’ll give you an idea.

Still on the journey? Enjoy the ride.

I posted Chapter 1 on 13 January. Subsequent chapters have appeared each Friday, and will continue to be posted until all 50 have featured here. You can find those already posted via the archive; just search by chapter number. If you missed the start, you’ll find it here: http://stuartaken.blogspot.com/2012/01/read-free-my-novel-here.html

Read, enjoy, invite your friends along. I’m an author; I want people to read my writing, simple as that.

Chapter 38

Sunday 15th August

‘At last! We’ve all been frantic, wondering where you were, Faith.’
‘I needed time alone, Ma. I must phone Mum.’
‘She knows.’
I realised her grief was unexpressed, locked up. I didn’t like that. ‘I called Eric to find out where you were. I phoned Matilda and told her. Come and have some supper, you look all in.’
She sat where she was and gave a single nod as if further movement was too much.
‘Tea?’
‘Anything but tea!’
Coffee? And she would eat some toast. There was about her something deeply troubling, something I couldn’t identify at once. And she’d shed no tears. Netta was surprisingly sympathetic to begin with; almost demure, and silent for the most part.
Faith ate in silence, looking at nothing, simply staring into the distance and passing food and drink into her mouth. Had I asked what she’d consumed, she couldn’t have told me.
I sent her to bed and she went without a word, though I doubt she slept.
‘She’s weird, Leigh. Creepy. I don’t like it.’
‘People respond to grief in different ways. Faith’s had a hell of a lot of adjusting to do in a very short time. Think about it, Netta. How do you think you’d cope with so much change in such a short space of time?’
She shrugged. Netta had no capacity for consideration. A hedonist through and through, all her thoughts and actions were informed by her body’s responses. Nothing else was of significance. ‘Come on, Leigh, she’s made me feel miserable. I need a good seeing to by a cunning linguist.’
She was safe in bed for the night and Netta’s need was so tempting and something I could usefully comply with. It would do no harm to Faith for us to indulge a little.
I waggled my tongue and she undressed me. Later, with my head between her delicious thighs, I was vaguely aware someone had come into the kitchen and passed the table where we played.
‘Came down for a drink of water.’ Netta told me afterwards. ‘Think she was a bit surprised to find us there.’
‘I expect she was.’
I let her work during the days; hoping activity would help her face the death. She remained silent except for the essential connections of business and everyday contact. She wasn’t hostile, simply uncommunicative. I couldn’t fathom whether it was grief or anger, sorrow or rage that held her in that withdrawn state. But it was deeply disturbing.
Eric arranged the closing that David had desired. We journeyed the long, hot miles to the crematorium in a short cortège of hired black limousines; Matilda, Eric, Netta, Faith and I sharing the lead car. He and Faith were silent throughout the journey in spite of Matilda’s outpouring of comments and observations about David.
The cleric who greeted us was all unction and professional sympathy. Daily contact with death and the bereaved had killed any capacity he may have had to empathize. Death was routine; he made the right noises, formed the right expressions, even adopted the appropriate body language, but he fooled nobody, especially Faith.
‘Can you perform a ceremony that will satisfy Eric who’s a partially lapsed Roman Catholic, myself, my father and Leigh, all atheists, my mother and sister, part time protestants in the Church of England tradition, and the mixed bunch of mourners here who either believe in no god at all or certainly not the limited one of your imagination?’
Having been silent for so long, Faith’s challenge came as a shock.
The cleric was jolted from complacency into a gesture of condescension guaranteed to make the blood boil. ‘I understand your grief, my dear. Please don’t concern yourself with details. I’ll send your father off properly, you can be sure of that.’
‘Will you perform a eulogy based on firsthand knowledge? Will you despatch him without reference to your own peculiar god?’
‘Well, now I don’t think it’ll do any harm to give him the protection of…’
‘I do. Please, if the law or whatever regulations surround this process, mean you have to be present, simply stand wherever you must, in silence. I’ll lead the ceremony.’ Her glance at Matilda dared her to disagree; her look at Eric was more conciliatory. Both nodded their assent with differing degrees of surprise and reservation.
‘I really think it would be much more satisfactory if you were to just…’
‘Satisfactory? For whom? For you? I don’t give that for what you think. I don’t belong to your club and Dad was never a member either. He hated your false ideals, your hypocrisy, your exclusion. Let him take his leave the way he wished. At least have the grace to let me do this without opposition. It’s hard enough as it is, without the condescending interference of a Godbotherer.’
He started to speak again and I stepped in. ‘Let her be. What’s it to you? You’ll still get paid and no one here will complain if you let Faith have her way.’
‘It’s not right…’
‘Not right for whom? It’s right for Faith and it’s right for her father. Aren’t they the ones who matter here?’
He was very unhappy but knew he couldn’t go against our wishes without making a fuss and causing real problems. Not the sort of thing even the most determined conservative clergyman would want. He shrugged his resignation, made no effort to hide his disapproval, but led us into the small chapel.
Faith asked him about the mechanics and he had the good grace to show her before he took up his seat facing the congregation.
Once the black-suited pallbearers had departed, Faith stood by the foot of the coffin, her hand resting lightly on the polished oak. She waited for the piped Gounod’s Ave Maria to die away.
‘Thank you for coming. David Lengdon was a life-long atheist. That’s why the priest has generously stepped aside and allowed me to perform this last farewell. Only a few of you know me. Most of you weren’t even aware that David had a daughter. I met him a few short weeks ago. He was as unaware of me as I had been of him. Matilda, my mother, brought us together. He loved her dearly and her name was the last word he spoke.’
Matilda hadn’t known and she leant against me and began to sob silently. Others in that small chapel muttered quietly with surprise or indignation.
‘Eric cared for him these last years, since cancer invaded his body and brought him to this parting we call death. He’s been a prince of kindness and I thank him with all my heart for his devotion and selfless courage. I came on the scene late, when Dad was already dying. I was warned and given the chance not to know him, but I chose to try to understand him and came inevitably to love him. I know he loved me, too.
‘Dad was a brave man in many ways, a coward in others. He loved the truth but was willing to compromise for the sake of ease and to shield those he held dear. I lack that gift. I’m unable to do more or less than tell the truth. Had he not gone overseas, or had he known I was on the way, he would’ve married Matilda and all our lives would have been immeasurably better.
‘But that was not to be and he lost the love of his life. Literature, without his beloved, became a sham for him. He discovered the sordid incest and facile insincerity that infects parts of the world of literary education and criticism and it destroyed his love for it. Had Matilda been with him, he would’ve understood that running from the false and self-delusional wouldn’t shift it one iota. With her beside him, he’d have battled all his life to change that superficial world into a place of passion and truth where creativity did not depend exclusively on antecedents and where true originality was as valid as recognisable derivation. His words.
‘Dad was scholar, poet, philosopher and a builder of walls. I asked him about the barriers he erected and he justified them on practical grounds I couldn’t fault. Dad was a man who loved and was loved. His only physical love was Matilda and I am the fruit of their early passion. Spiritually, he loved many, finding it easier to like people than to dislike them. He was forgiving, tolerant, just and wise. He lived for years with Eric as his friend, no more, no less. He loved him as a brother. And admired his skill with stone.
‘In the few short weeks I knew him, Dad gifted me with more knowledge and more love for life and all the world can offer, than I had found in the twenty years I had lived till then.
‘I loved my father. Time is meaningless in such cases. I loved him as much as any daughter my age can love her father; maybe more. I’ll miss him every day of my future and he’ll be ever in my thoughts. My life is enriched for knowing him. He was a remarkable human being who will be sadly missed by all who knew him.’
She turned away and leant over the casket, her face close and her voice so quiet only our first row could hear. ‘I love you, Daddy. I’m proud to be your daughter and proud to have you for my father. Go now to the place you know and love. Leave the flesh that has betrayed you and rise to join the web of life for all eternity. Goodbye, my darling, wonderful Daddy. I love you now and always will.’
She forced herself away from the coffin and swayed as she addressed us again. ‘I’ve had my say. It’s your turn, now. Please; come and say a private or a public goodbye to David Lengdon.’
I knew they would be reluctant and English about it. I took the lead, guiding Matilda, against her will, and walking to the coffin where I said a few words of goodbye and where Matilda eased her conscience with a whispered but heartfelt apology for her absence in his dying days. Others followed until Eric, proud and upright, took the last turn as the cleric tried to rush us to make way for the next body on the conveyor to the oven.
Whatever Eric said was private and remained between him and David but it seemed to help with his grief. Of all the people at that extraordinary parting, only Faith remained dry-eyed.
We trailed our way back along roads bathed in inappropriate sunshine to Longhouse, where Ma fed us traditional cold meats and sandwiches and the ubiquitous tea.
Faith, in charcoal grey jacket and skirt to her knees, walked through the house and onto the back lawn where she stood alone, facing the fells. The other mourners, one by one or in small groups, thanked her for what she’d done. To each she nodded her acknowledgement but there was no emotion in her, no real response.
I watched her in her desert of dry grief and wondered when the wind and rain would sweep away the dust of sorrow and wash her free of all that pain.
With Eric, she exchanged a few words before he left, but she spoke nothing to Netta or me after the ceremony itself. I watched her make her way upstairs when the last of the mourners had gone. She didn’t reappear until breakfast time the following day.


###

If you're impatient for the next chapter, you can buy the book in paperback or ebook format for whatever ereader you use, just click on the cover picture or visit ‘My Books’. If you do, I’d appreciate a review, posted wherever possible - Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, or any other bookish site. Reviews get indie published books noticed, you see.

Tweet with me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@stuartaken
Like my author page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/StuartAken
USA readers, see my author page on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/stuartaken
(for some odd reason, this type of link isn't yet available on Amazon for UK)
Join my professional connections on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/stuart-aken/22/1b6/aaa
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Read Breaking Faith, Free: Chapter 37

on Friday, September 28, 2012

Think Breaking Faith might not suit you?  Try the reviews under the 'My Books' tab, they might make you think differently.

Still taking the journey? Enjoy the ride.

I posted Chapter 1 on 13 January. Subsequent chapters have appeared each Friday, and will continue to be posted until all 50 have featured here. You can find those already posted via the archive; just search by chapter number. If you missed the start, you’ll find it here: http://stuartaken.blogspot.com/2012/01/read-free-my-novel-here.html

Read, enjoy, invite your friends along. I’m an author; I want people to read my writing, simple as that.

Chapter 37

Sunday 8th August

It had been the most amazing night of my life and I felt so loved and wanted as I received those marvellous presents. Dad’s gift overwhelmed me and Leigh’s, generous as it was, left me wondering if he did expect me to take him along, and equally uncertain whether I would. But the one that most touched me, strangely, was Old Hodge’s hand-carved wren on the log. It was exquisite and he’d carved it with love, spending time and skill instead of money, for me. I placed it on my windowsill where I could see it from my bed last thing at night and first thing in the morning against the ever-changing backdrop of the sky.
Dad’s early departure bothered me and I hoped he hadn’t overdone it by attending and forcing himself to stand. We’d grown to know each other over the weeks and there was a bond of love between us as strong as any between daughter and father. I found myself facing his inevitable demise with dread and praying the day might be postponed as far as possible and further.
Tired as I was, I rose early and took advantage of a bathroom that would later be in great demand. Susie stirred slightly on my floor and I pulled the cover back over her and brushed the auburn hair away from her pretty face. She’d cried on my shoulder over her boyfriend’s desertion but I’d explained no man was safe if Netta had designs on him.
‘Netta’s choice is nothing to do with your boyfriend, you know, most men are helpless in her hands. She just wanted to make Leigh jealous.’ It seemed to help and she’d gone to sleep at last.
There was no one awake downstairs and I left the house, after breakfast, without witnesses. The Mini started at once and I saw it was full of petrol. Leigh had put the steering wheel cover on at some time during the evening and I smiled at the touch of the soft leather and the thought of him taking that trouble for me and saying nothing; leaving it as a surprise. It was the sort of thoughtful gesture he made from time to time and it just added to his other attractions.
The new car smell filled my nostrils and every surface gleamed with freshness. It was more than just a car to me; it was freedom and independence.
The early morning roads were quiet and I met little traffic even though it was the peak of the holiday season and there were tourists staying everywhere. As I approached the cottage, it occurred to me that Eric might not be awake. When he answered my light knock, I realized I’d known instinctively he would be a habitual early riser.
‘I’m deeply touched by your gift, Eric. I know what it means to you.’
‘Good to see ‘em round a pretty neck again, lass. You wear ‘em well and that top sets ‘em off a treat. They went smashing with that dress last night. Almost had me fancying you myself. Tell the truth, I were right glad of a chance to give ‘em to a lass as deserves ‘em.’
I kissed his cheek and he made no move away as he had previously when I got too close.
‘You’re a good lass, Faith. You’ve never a word agin me for the way I am and I thank you for that. I’ve always felt that you, at least, respect me.’
‘I do respect you, Eric. Your life must’ve been hard and I value the devotion you’ve shown Dad, knowing there’d be no physical reward. I know about sacrifice, Eric. I admire the way your love for Dad guides you. But I’m amazed at your lack of bitterness over the way life’s treated you.’
‘Life could’ve been crueller, Faith. I might never’ve met David. Funny thing; we can’t help who we fall in love with, but we can help how we react. Most folk never learn that. You have, though.’
‘Leigh?’
He nodded and took my hand gently in his, squeezed it tenderly.
‘Do you think he’ll ever be mine?’
‘Who knows? Thing is, though, you’re his, aren’t you? Best make the most of that, don’t you think?’
‘I spent my life sacrificing my needs to those of Heacham and Hope. I’m not sure I’m up to sacrificing what’s left to a man who doesn’t know I exist.’
‘Hardly that, love. He had eyes enough for you yesterday.’
I knew he was right. But Leigh wasn’t what I wanted him to be in my life and I was growing weary, waiting for him to mature into the ideal I hoped he would become.
‘Your dad’s taken it hard after last night, Faith. He were fair done in by the time we got back and he’s slept more or less ever since. He never lets on, but he’s a lot more poorly than you might realize.’
We went into the front room where Dad was sleeping. I sat by the bed in the armchair and Eric made the ubiquitous tea. Bruce no longer stirred at my comings and goings, accepting me as a regular visitor.
The cottage fitted silently around us, isolating us from the world outside but for the sounds of nature. I heard the soft wind sighing through grass and trees, the ‘chuck’ of a stonechat close by, the melancholy bubbling of a curlew across the fields, the ever-present murmur of sheep. No cars passed the cottage and Public Footpaths brought walkers no closer than a mile. It was a perfect retreat from the world and suited Eric more, perhaps, than Dad.
‘It was a grand party.’
Dad’s sudden comment startled me and I looked down to see the tired eyes open and a smile playing on his pale lips. I bent and kissed him.
‘It was wonderful. But I’m not so sure you should’ve come, Dad.’
‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world. The look on your face was worth everything. To know you were so happy and to witness the love and admiration of your friends; that was worth the effort. If I die tomorrow, I’ll know my little girl’s a grown woman, a very beautiful woman, who is well respected and well loved in the world. That knowledge is worth far more than a fortune, my wonderful daughter.’
He spoke softly but the effort cost him dear. It was a long time before his chest stopped its frantic rise and fall in an effort to find the oxygen he needed. I knew then he really was dying and wouldn’t be with me for much longer.
Eric brought the tea and saw he was awake. ‘Tea, David?’
He just shook his head slowly.
‘Drop of water?’
A single nod and a wink.
The water came laced heavily with scotch and I must’ve frowned. Eric beckoned me to follow him to the door. We stood in the kitchen where Dad couldn’t hear us if we whispered.
‘Don’t begrudge him his relief and his enjoyment, lass. He’s no danger of becoming an alcoholic now, is he? And if it dulls the pain and makes it easier for him to bear the life that’s left him, what harm is there?’
‘None. I agree with you. I just hadn’t realized he had the need.’
‘Good. I’ll be honest with you, lass. I’ve called the doctor but I’m afraid he’ll not see the close of next weekend. I wonder if we’ve done you such a favour letting you come to love him when he’s so close to departing.’
‘As Dad said, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Eric. I’m only grateful you all thought I had the fortitude to deal with the loss, and risked our meeting. Coming to know my dad has given me identity, family, history, a base from which to grow. Without him, I was orphaned and only half formed. I’m so glad I’ve had the chance to love him. And, Eric, I’ll not let him, or you, or myself down at the end, I promise.’
We returned to find him sleeping again. He was like that all day; in and out of sleep. We had to wake him when the doctor came. Not Paul, but a tall thin man with a moustache and serious grey eyes. He was a partner from the same practice.
‘You’ve got the necessary for the moment, Eric, and you know what to do. If it gets too much for him, give me a ring; any time, doesn’t matter when. I’ll be here as soon as I can to help him. I no more want him hanging on in pain than you do.’ He turned to me and studied me a long time in silence. ‘Paul told me about you, Faith. Eric knows; I think you’re strong enough to face the facts. Your dad has days at the most. Sunday now. I doubt he’ll see the weekend. If there’s anything you want to share with him, now’s the time. Don’t let him go and then find you regret the things you never said or never asked him.’
I thanked him and he looked at me along time again before he nodded, as if satisfied. He took my hand in his, smiled, squeezed my hand very gently, nodded again and then left.
I sat beside Dad with his hand in mine as he slept and woke and slept and woke throughout the day. I forgot to eat and only drank the tea that Eric made all through my stay. He sat at the other side of the bed in a hard, upright, wooden chair from the kitchen. We spoke softly across Dad when he was sleeping, to him when he woke. He was lucid all the time but tired and frail.
The time came when I had to leave for Longhouse. I made Eric promise to ring me should he start to falter. I wanted to be with Dad when he died.
I was unable to cope with the banality and self-absorption of Netta back home and I cut her from my consciousness. Ma and Old Hodge helped as much as they could to keep up my spirits. Leigh was torn between his obsession with Netta and his concern for me. It was no surprise to me that she won most of the time.
Mum let me down badly when I phoned her. ‘Thanks for telling me, Faith, but I won’t watch him die. I don’t do death. I’d rather keep the memory of him alive. Dying won’t keep him as fresh in my memory. Tell him I love him, please.’
‘Tell him yourself!’
Three faces stared at me as I slammed the phone down. I stared back at them in defiance. But when the phone rang almost immediately I picked it up. ‘Tell your dad I love him. Please, Faith. Do it for him, if not for me.’
‘Okay.’ I replaced the receiver more gently and went to my room to weep, but remained dry-eyed.
During the days, I worked to occupy my mind. Each evening I went to see Dad and stayed until midnight.
Saturday, I knew he would die. I could feel it even before I left Longhouse. Leigh made the effort, got up to see me off and asked if I wanted him to take me for a change. ‘Thanks, Leigh, but I’ll drive. I don’t have to worry about how long I’m away then. I’ll be back only when there’s no point in me staying.’
‘You never know, he might….’ He stopped as he saw my expression. I was proud of him for recognising it was time for truth; that platitudes were no help. ‘If you need me when you get back, just call me, wherever, whenever. I mean it.’
It was a genuine offer and one I knew I wouldn’t take up.
Eric was at the front door, his eyes heavy with exhaustion, his proud shoulders slumped in weariness and at first, I thought I’d arrived too late. ‘Just taking the air, lass. He’s sleeping and peaceful just now.’ Bruce was roaming the nearby moor but returned to thrust his cold wet nose into my hand the moment I arrived.
The house was silent apart from the soft dry sound of Dad’s light breathing. But it was heavy and oppressive in the room. The curtains were drawn against the sunlight and the window shut. I opened the curtains and window to let in light, air and sounds from outside. Dad stirred as if he sensed the change and his eyes opened.
I had to bend until my ear touched his nose before I could hear his words. ‘Don’t blame Matilda. She’s a creature for life not death. I know she’s with us in spirit. Tell her I love her.’
‘Mum says to tell you she loves you, Dad.’
‘I know.’
It was as much as he could manage for the moment and I sat beside him with his hand in mine, dry as paper and cold as stone. Eric came in and raised his eyebrows at my departure from tradition.
‘I read that the dying need more stimulus, not less, Eric. Fresh air, light and sound help them.’
He nodded his agreement without conviction and I understood he was too weary to debate the matter and too considerate to go against my wishes even though he favoured tradition. He wandered off and made tea.
The day was long, endless; full of silence and tea. I took a couple of short spells outside in the sun with Bruce, as much to revive my circulation as to have a break from the vigil. Eric was with him if I was away. We spent the day that way; two isolated guardians watching over the person who most mattered to us yet unable to talk of him for that time.
Dad’s breathing was ragged and insubstantial when he opened his eyes for the last time. He seemed unfocussed at first and then found Eric in his hard backed chair and somehow made him aware he wanted to speak to him. Eric bent low and listened for a space but I heard none of the private words that passed between them. I waited and hoped that my turn would come. Eric returned to his upright position after a while, his eyes wet with unshed tears.
Dad let his breathing calm as much as was possible and then turned those tired eyes to me. I knelt by his bedside and placed my face as close to his as I could without putting any weight on him.
‘Love you, Faith. Don’t be afraid… not painful now…empty old house… switching off lights one by one, that’s all. Proud of you. Live life well, for me.’
‘I will, Dad. I love you.’
His eyes closed after his enormous effort. His breath came in shallow gasps that rasped as though all moisture had left his airways. Eric held one hand, I held the other and, as I met his eyes across the narrow bed, we stretched out our free hands and held each other.
I was conscious of the silence, broken by the distant drone of a summer plane high and far away and irrelevant. A curlew bubbled its melancholy, close. No wind stirred the trees and grass beyond the window, but, in the silence, the small beck gurgled in its rocky bed. The sheep were still. It was as if all nature knew.
Dad suddenly tensed as if he was about to move. ‘Matilda.’
Eric and I glanced at each other and then at Dad. He breathed a few last ragged sips of worthless air and then was still, as life left his body with a final soft groan. Bruce howled just once and then lay silent at the foot of the bed.
I don’t know how long we sat there unmoving. Something from outside; a bird call, the mutter of a sheep, the trees and grass communing with the wind, something brought us back to an awareness of the world. We returned but were not spiritually separated from that other somewhere we inhabited with Dad.
‘Tea?’
I shook my head for the first time in answer. ‘I need to be alone.’
He nodded.
I stood and then knelt, bent and kissed his empty shell in departure.
‘You’ll …’
Eric nodded. ‘I know what has to be done. I cared for him in life…’
‘He told me he had a fear of…’
Eric waved away my concern. ‘It doesn’t matter that his wishes were at odds wi’ mine, lass. It’s what he wanted. I’ll not lock him in darkness when he wanted flames. Who knows, he might be right about the end and after. I’ve only got my catholic indoctrination. Your dad had brains and knowledge I never found. He’ll have his way, I promise you. I’ll let you know when it’s all ready.’
I took a last look at the shell that had housed my dad. Eric saw me to the door and we embraced a little awkwardly, neither of us willing or ready to release the swelling tides of grief within us.
I drove a short way from the cottage and stopped on a stretch of open grassland. I left the car and walked a distance from the road and found a rock to sit on. Darkness was falling when I moved at last, returning dry-eyed to my car. The world was no longer the same warm place. Part of me had died with Dad and there was nothing to put in its place. Only grief would heal the gaping hole I felt inside me, grief and tears. And tears refused to wash me clean.


###

If you're impatient for the next chapter, you can buy the book in paperback or ebook format for whatever ereader you use, just click on the cover picture or visit ‘My Books’. If you do, I’d appreciate a review, posted wherever possible - Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, or any other bookish site. Reviews get indie published books noticed, you see.

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Read Breaking Faith, Free: Chapter 36

on Friday, September 21, 2012

Not reading Breaking Faith?  Read the reviews under the 'My Books' tab, they might persuade you to give it a try.

Still on the journey? ‘Enjoy the ride.’

I posted Chapter 1 on 13 January. Subsequent chapters have appeared each Friday, and will continue to be posted until all 50 have featured here. You can find those already posted via the archive; just search by chapter number. If you missed the start, you’ll find it here: http://stuartaken.blogspot.com/2012/01/read-free-my-novel-here.html

Read, enjoy, invite your friends along. I’m an author; I want people to read my writing, simple as that.

Chapter 36

Saturday 7th August

All the planning for the party was worth the effort. Ma surpassed herself with the catering; Old Hodge decked the gardens as if for a queen. Even the weather was perfect, with clear skies and warm balmy air gifting the gentlest of breezes. Everything was set for the arrival of the star and I’d made a promise to Netta who, in return, had pledged to behave herself.
Matilda brought Faith, as arranged, shortly after lunch. I’d already collected Eric and David from their cottage and some of the more mature guests decided they’d prefer an afternoon session to the livelier evening bash.
She was wearing Matilda’s present and looked stunning. Her hair was up, emphasising her bare shoulders and the soft curves of her unsupported breasts. As I’d requested, her neck was devoid of ornament.
Matilda had finally persuaded her to pluck her eyebrows and the finer curves lifted her eyes, drawing attention to their deep colour and size.
We collected on the gravel as she arrived, and watched her emerge from Matilda’s ancient Hillman Imp, like a butterfly leaving its chrysalis. There was spontaneous applause at the sight of her and she blushed with pleasure at our attention. The short satin dress echoing her flush in a deeper shade of crimson. I wondered how long it would be before she kicked off the matching high-heeled sandals, her preference for bare feet just one of her endearing qualities.
We gathered round her and sang the ubiquitous chorus, Eric holding David’s wheelchair to ensure him a good position. I took Faith’s hand and presented her to David.
He rose, desperately trying to hide his attempts to make it seem effortless, and embraced her. ‘I have a little present for you and it couldn’t be taken inside. That’s why we’re all gathered here for your arrival.’
Eric, on cue, helped him back into the chair and wheeled him the short distance to where it stood. Faith followed, a picture of puzzled excitement.
‘You’ll need these, of course, my wonderful, beautiful, charming and adorable daughter. Happy birthday.’ And he handed her the keys attached to a small leather fob bearing the county’s white rose.
At first, she didn’t understand what he was giving her and she looked at the keys in her hand in bewilderment. Only when David urged her nearer to the door of the car did she understand the significance.
Her face was a picture, which I managed to capture. She looked at the bright red Mini, with its gleaming white roof, and literally couldn’t believe her eyes. ‘Honestly? For me?’ And then she thought she had it worked out and nodded. She was very good, betraying no trace of disappointment as she turned back to her dad. ‘How long for?’
He was quicker than I expected. ‘It’s not a hire car, my precious daughter, it’s yours. Yours to own, yours entirely and for as long as you wish to keep it. Taxed, insured and ready to drive.’
For a moment, I thought there would be tears, but she fought and won. Instead, she embraced and kissed him. When she straightened, she sought me out and stood before me. There was such delight and joy on her face as she looked up at me that I found myself deeply moved. ‘Leighton Longshaw, you are a wicked, wonderful, lying, marvellous, cheating, adorable, generous man. Thank you very much indeed.’
Without giving me chance to respond, she turned to the rest of the crowd. ‘For those who don’t know, this dreadful man sent me away on a driving course, at his own expense, and had me believe it was so I could deliver his orders for him. All the time he was plotting and scheming with Dad so that I’d be able to drive the car I’ve just been given. Can you think of a more wicked, wonderful pair of men anywhere?’
She turned back to face me as the assembled guests cheered and made rude remarks about us. Her arms around my neck, she kissed me full on the mouth, not fleetingly, as she had previously, but a full kiss with her lips slightly parted. It left me feeling more alive and wanted than any of thousands of previous kisses I’d been given.
‘Thank you, Leigh.’ And, for my ears only, ‘I love you.’
I froze for an instant and a vision of the whole party falling in ruins as I failed to make the expected response washed over me. But, true to her nature, she expected no reply.
‘I’ve got to drive it. I just must.’
Everyone cheered as she let herself in and studied the controls for a moment. One of the guests opened the gate. She waited for us to clear a way and then backed easily out of the parking space, executed a perfect three-point turn and reversed the car back into its original slot. She cut the engine and locked the door. ‘Sorry about that. Rude of me to abandon my guests for so long.’
Laughter all round and the man at the gate rejoined us wearing a rather sheepish smile as we went into the house for the remainder of the giving ceremony. I felt so proud of her, so proud that she was somehow associated with me. And her ‘I love you’, reverberated through my mind throughout the evening.
Matilda, elegant in a little black cocktail number, supplemented the satin dress with a small case of makeup. Zizi, sensually superb in mock leopard-skin cat suit, gave her a Nikon camera, knowing it would accept my lenses and accessories. ‘If you can’t beat the buggers, join them.’
Paul, my doctor and friend, suited and professional, presented her with a boxed set of ‘The Lord of The Rings’ for which he received a kiss and hug that had his wife, Sarah, looking somewhat askance. Ma, minus her apron for once, gave her a pair of excellent walking shoes, which fitted like gloves, and a small backpack. ‘So you can do some proper walking.’
Old Hodge, in corduroys and checked shirt, had managed to carve a wren from a branch that was still attached to the log it sat on so that it looked amazingly lifelike. She kept looking at it all through the evening as if it might fly away.
Netta, surprisingly demure in a flowing, yellow backless maxi but nothing else, gave her saucy underwear that she’d be unlikely to wear herself. Abby, turquoise boob tube revealing as much as it hid and floral flares hugging her lovely hips, gave her a stylish hair dryer for travelling. Eric, sombre in dark grey suit, shyly placed a string of natural pearls around the naked neck he’d requested, fastening the diamond clasp himself.
‘They were my mother’s. I’ve wanted to find a suitable neck for them to adorn and yours seems just right, lass.’
 There wasn’t a woman in the room who failed to envy her that particular gift and Faith acknowledged the honour by making him blush with her enthusiastic acceptance. There were other small gifts, and some flowers. I deliberately left my own till last.
‘This young lady, a lady because she is rightly treated as such by those around her, came into my life unexpectedly and completely changed it. So far, she’s brought in more than three times her salary in collected bad debts. She’s not aware that another of her charmingly threatening letters persuaded yet more money from tenacious claws this very morning, increasing my bank balance by four figures as a result. So, she’s worth her weight in gold. She organizes, controls and directs my business life with a gentle efficiency that allows me to concentrate on the creative aspects and I want her to know that I appreciate her more than I can say. She has never celebrated a birthday before and it’s fitting she should enjoy this gathering on her coming-of age. She’s been given pretty clothes, which she is wearing delightfully, makeup, which she’ll take some time to decide about, and some very personal items I would dearly love to see in place…’
‘And remove.’
I gave Abby a stern look that made everyone, including her and Faith, laugh. ‘…but suspect I never will. There’ve been brilliantly chosen books, a handcrafted work of art made with love, a priceless family heirloom and other items to let her enjoy life more fully. A beautiful woman who claims to be my friend has given my Girl Friday a camera so she can compete with me behind the lens as she already does in the darkroom. And, of course, that small present of her first car from her dad.
‘I had a good idea of what she was to receive, since most of you seemed to think it wise to consult me over appropriate gifts. I note that you completely ignored my advice to give her money, presumably because you all thought I was likely to try to steal it from her in some guise or other. My dilemma, then, was what to give this lovely young woman for her coming of age…’
‘But you’ve already given me a present, Leigh. My driving course…’
‘Tax deductible and therefore not valid.’
‘And, of course…it’s a steering wheel cover. Oh, you wicked man. Thank you, Leigh.’ She kissed me again.
I held her hands and smiled at her. ‘As I say, what do you give to someone like Faith? Money’s too impersonal and it had to be something not only marking her twenty first in a way that she would remember, but sending her a message I think she might otherwise refuse to hear.’ I took the envelope from my pocket, handed it to her and kissed her forehead to smooth the frown of puzzlement. My hands on her shoulders picked up again that tingle of pleasure I always felt from her skin.
‘Well, open it, then.’
She stood there in that short, delicious dress that emphasized her femininity so cleverly, and looked me in the eye for a full minute without a word. I almost quailed under that scrutiny but managed to hold my own and eventually she moved her eyes to the envelope and carefully opened the flap. She extracted what she found inside and examined it carefully before committing herself to the most wonderful smile of pleasure and surprise. I received another kiss of gratitude.
‘I love you even more.’
No one else was allowed to know what it was she whispered that rendered me so uncharacteristically contemplative.
‘Well? What is it?’
She turned and curtseyed to the assembly; an action that emphasized the shapely lines of her legs. ‘This terrible man clearly wants rid of me for a very long time. He’s given me vouchers to allow me to take a holiday for a month.’
‘Perhaps he’s hoping you’ll take him with you.’
I could have hugged Paul for his perception.
She looked at me for a sign that he was right. I tried to convey my agreement without signalling the same to Netta who was watching me like the proverbial bird of prey.
‘Perhaps I might. Or maybe I’ll take Mum and Dad. Maybe I’ll invite my secret lover. Maybe I’ll go alone. I’ll have to give the matter a lot of thought. Thank you, Leigh; a holiday does seem tempting. Thanks to all of you. I’m moved more than I can say and far more than I dare show. If you’ll forgive me a moment, I need a little while alone as I was raised not to cry in public.’ And, true to form, she calmly left us.
Ten minutes later, she returned, her face fresh and with no sign of tears, though her eyes held that hint of red that told the truth. For all that, she was recovered and in control.
Her father had to give up far sooner than he’d hoped and Paul offered to drop David and Eric home even though it was hardly on his route. I allowed him to do me the favour. I certainly didn’t want to miss one second of what was proving to be a very educational event where Faith was concerned.
As the evening wore on, so the drink loosened tongues and banished inhibitions. With the departure of the older people and the incursion of more young folk, the whole event livened up. Warm summer weather and daylight that only began to fade after nine, to give way to the gentle light of a fading crescent moon, leant an air of freedom to the whole proceeding.
Inevitably, at Netta’s instigation, clothes were removed and dancing on the lawn attracted some of the gang as participants and others as observers.
‘Going to join them, Faith?’
She shook her head and smiled at me as if I were being very silly. Very close, so I could hear her whisper above the music, she made a promise. ‘Alone, for you, at the right time, I’ll happily shed my clothes, Leigh. When you’re ready to love me, I’ll be more than ready to love you.’
Netta grabbed me before I could respond but all the time I cavorted with her and her abandoned friends, I heard Faith’s words and found my mind dwelling on her promise.
She was asked to dance by every man at the party and honoured them all, even the most uncoordinated and clumsy, with the same grace and favour. A couple tried to grapple her into a clinch but she managed to remove herself and maintain her own humour and their dignity so that no one was offended or left to feel rejected.
Faith impressed me more that night than any time previously. It was as if she’d suddenly become a fully mature woman in charge of her life and her being. And all through the dances and my eventual alfresco sex with Netta and then Abby, Faith’s words of love and promise haunted me, taunted me and, ultimately, declared all else no more than a sham compared with what she offered.
And she enjoyed herself, despite my other women, despite Netta’s almost orgy, despite the early departure of her father. I found my eyes drawn to her frequently during the evening, noting how she looked, how she held herself, how she remained honest but gracious with her many admirers.
Inevitably, the night turned into early morning. Some left for home with the help of the single local taxi, who made at least five visits over a period of three hours, or with reluctant parents dragged from bed, or more unwisely under their own steam. One pair returned on foot from the lane end and sought me out with exaggerated caution. ‘There’s a weird fat guy in the trees with a pair of binoculars. Just thought you ought to know. He pissed off as soon as we saw him. Big lad with an ugly face.’
I said nothing to the others but made a mental note to have another word with Merv. I wondered for how long and how frequently he’d been spying on us but said nothing to the girls. I was still positive he would do no harm, beyond his leching, especially now that my suspicions about Netta’s part in the so-called attempted rape had hardened.
Those who were too far gone or too wise to make the journey home found places to stretch out on floors and sofas and cushions.
A small group of us talked into the early hours, drinking coffee and setting the world to rights, Faith among us. She sat on the floor, opposite me, so I could study her at leisure as the talk touched on religion, politics, music and sex. Animated, her features were alive with complex expressions of emotion, her face portraying the truth of her words and her reactions to the words of others. No other face in that small group gave such a clear picture of the real feelings of its owner. I found myself fascinated by her in a way I hadn’t encountered before and wondered what had wrought this change in my perceptions of her; how she’d changed to come to my attention in this way.
Physically, she’d developed a great deal since our first meeting. Her body was now that of a woman, with firm, rounded breasts, a slender waist and the generous hips of a slim woman. Her legs were fuller and shapelier and her face had lost its pinched appearance. I could picture her now as a model and thought I might ask her to pose for me. She would refuse, I had no doubt but I was tempted, all the same.
Her eyes, when they met mine, as they did on numerous occasions during that early morning conversation, held a message of such promise that I felt almost overwhelmed by her open love for me. It frightened me that she felt so deeply about me. If I lied to her, promised her the constancy she demanded, I could have her in my bed and sample the pleasures she was so willing to share with me. But I couldn’t take that step. I wouldn’t betray her like that. And Paul’s words of warning returned even as I toyed with the idea.
Netta left the group first, dragging some other girl’s boyfriend up the stairs. It was clear she’d be with him for the night and I was sure she was trying to make me jealous. I, however, had Zizi to myself before she returned to London the following night.
Faith, of course, went to bed alone, making space on her floor for the abandoned girl to sleep in one of the sleeping bags.
Zizi was as generous as ever, and as tempting. But I felt something was lacking, not from her, but from me. ‘Hey, Stag, I’m here, remember?’
I indulged her, making up for my lack of attention with passion that was purely physical. If Zizi noticed the difference, she was grateful enough not to comment. But it was Faith who remained in my mind.


###

If you're impatient for the next chapter, you can buy the book in paperback or ebook format for whatever ereader you use, just click on the cover picture or visit ‘My Books’. If you do, I’d appreciate a review, posted wherever possible - Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, or any other bookish site. Reviews get indie published books noticed, you see.

Tweet with me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@stuartaken
Like my author page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/StuartAken
USA readers, see my author page on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/stuartaken
(for some odd reason, this type of link isn't yet available on Amazon for UK)
Join my professional connections on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/stuart-aken/22/1b6/aaa

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